It should go without saying that, really, you should never have to game with people who make you uncomfortable. It also goes without saying that it can be difficult to get a gaming group together, and so we often settle for the dysfunction we have rather than make too many waves (c.f.; "at least we're gaming" and related arguments of desperation.)
The article from the wisdom of Rob Donoghue, "Freeze," has hit my friends' attention (you know, link sharing and essays and such) like a storm, and it's relevant, especially as it touches lightly upon something that got my ire when I discussed being a woman at the table.
I don't think it's all a bunch of fellows being hard on the newb. Like I said in my follow-up, I freeze (or slow) mostly because I don't want to tread past my boundaries. I'm learning to get over it, and I've seen when I've been with my friends that I don't freeze when I know those boundaries.
I guess we'll see the next time I go outside "my group."
That's what I'm really about, actually. When you've got "your group" you're used to the dysfunction. It's your dysfunction and the familiarity is comfortable, even the aggravation of it.
I never did get back to talking about the failure of Elfquest Version Two, although I might still write something brief about it someday. I went back in part because, well, "the group" was playing, and I wanted to play with "the group." Gaming for me is a social experience - I have gamed with people who met and then left and didn't do anything with eachother besides The Game, and, well, I didn't like it. Last year (2009) really underlined that the only reason to go to the gaming conventions out of state we'd like to go to would be the people...and that it WAS enough.
That being said, I'm a bit weird. I still like to try to get out of my comfort zone every once in a while - I like to try new things, learn new ways and (on some level) get new expectations. Sometimes it's a miserable failure... yeah, live and learn. Sometimes, though, the new ideas are worth the discomfort, both for playing and GMing.
The LintKing and I are looking to start a new group, and, of course, the first thing we come upon is the idea of inviting people from old groups. Geek social fallacies aside (I'm not keeping track if "X" likes "Y" these days - I would prefer the drama to come from the game, not the people) there are some people I game with, and like gaming with, that the LintKing doesn't. That's a problem. (I don't know if there's a vice-versa on this. It doesn't matter.)
See, I started out saying you should never have to game with people who make you uncomfortable. If I'm inviting people into my home to share with me and mine, that seems especially true. I want the LintKing to enjoy playing, so yes, giving consideration to his feelings is important... and as I have an ongoing relationship with His Lintself, I make the choice of how important.
Which means I might have to find "new, less flammable[*]" gaming friends.
[*] No, we don't set any of our friends on fire. The "new, less flammable people" line is an old quote from an Amber throne war where a magical napalm destroyed the city, and the royal family decided they'd have to repopulate with, well, you guessed it.