The Sex Lives of Dwarves
I had another gaming dream.
Without using this as an awesomely obvious opportunity to delve into my psyche, let's just say up front that yes, my father is short and has a beard, but he's the only man in my life that way, and I've already dealt with Electra.
It appears that in my dream, there was a war going on amongst the dwarves. As one of my friends in the underearth realms suggested, "Dwarves are good at two things, and they both involve iron." He winked when he said it. Not having much of a dwarven physique (where I'm short and stout, and a little bit hairy, I'm not very short, very stout, or very hairy) I had to investigate other options of fitting in to the dwarven community.
In my dream, it was apparently as Sexual Ambassador.
The dwarves had a name for it, which I could neither write nor say, not being fluent in Underearth. It was a job for a married couple who had the ability to withstand the issues of sexual possession. In order to make a treaty, the dwarven bloodlines had to be spread at least in spirit. (Dwarven marriages, according to my dream, were very complex affairs. Sex was treated as quite sacred, and Ambassador was both a political and semi-religious role.)
In order to become one of the Ambassadors, one had to participate in nine different sexual acts. Skill was graded, but so was enthusiasm (something the dwarves appreciated but still had to be moderated), and focus. You weren't exactly supposed to enjoy being an Ambassador; some of it was definitely a test of loyalty. On the other hand, the Ambassadors answered to no one but the local King. They got out of the rigid social hierarchy, and were considered non-combatants.
Oh, and if anyone's curious, Ambassadors who met representatives from other kingdoms... both genders had to be involved: that's why a married couple was considered best. Actual phallic insertion had ritual meaning. Helps to keep them flexible, although my king had a wicked sense of humour.